This past weekend has been one of much uprooting. I'd like to share with you what has happened in the past 3½ weeks.
I have been doing the Fire By Night Internship for the past 3 ½ weeks. God has been doing a great deal of work in my heart.. The first week God took me through a time of Love. He romanced me and He began to show me what love is. For instance, Love between a husband and a wife, it is so beautiful. He was showing me how I’m supposed to be loved. He rekindled the flame that had dimmed out over the 10 years that I had been lost. It was like a honeymoon. I got to focus on God as the bridegroom God. He spoke in to my heart as his bride, His desire for me is a fiery burning passion. He longs for me to draw close to Him in an intimate relationship with Him.
The second week wasn’t so much of a smitten feeling. I did struggle a bit. I was trying to give everything to God and didn’t understand why I felt like there was still stuff I was holding on to. After talking to one of my leaders Angela, I gained some understanding of how God desires us to put Him above everything. Even if He isn't showing us or bring everything up all at once. There’s good reason why The Lord doesn't let everything unravel all at once. It would be to over whelming. So I was able to drew close to the Lord and allow Him to fill me up with His peace. I was able to take what I was thinking and dwelling on and put them aside to regain my focus on my Prince Jesus.
I’ve gained new understanding of my inheritance. I am my fathers daughter, He is the King, there for I am his princess . Grasping this wasn’t all that easy cause that whole princess thing didn’t fit in with the way I looked at my self. I would consider my self a servant of the princess, if anything but God really showed me that I am royalty, and I am not a servant girl I am his daughter that He Loves with a deep passion and desire.
Just recently I had a very mighty encounter with Jesus. For the past few weeks that I have been here, I kept asking God to Overwhelm me. He Did… For 2 days I was so over whelmed with the presence of Heaven , my body was twitching so much and I had no idea how to gain control or channel it, so I just let God do what ever He wanted. Friday morning when I was heading back home to go to bed. I started singing the song. “ and I'll become Even more undignified than this Some may say It's foolishness But I'll become Even more undignified than this Leave my pride By my side” It was definitely the right song to be singing cause I had no control over what my body was doing due to the power of God..
The next day when I woke up, I started my day off the same way I ended the day before. and walking in to SHOP was a challenge for my legs. cause my body wanted to crouch over and twitch, it was kind of funny looking. That night during EGS March 5th, While I was up in the front in a line with all the women in the house. I began to see in the Spirit, Jesus walked in front of me. and Punched his hand through my stomach. For a while I was crouched over because Jesus was doing a work in my spirit. I didn’t know what he was doing at the time but I knew that it was good.
That night was pretty intense. I had taken the advice I received from Nel’s He told me. when you get overwhelmed by the spirit channel it in to something for his Kingdom. weather it be singing your heart out writing or anything having to do with God. Use the Heaven that is pouring in to you and project it outward. Those weren’t the exact words, but that was basically what He told me. so that night. after my dinner break I decided to meditate on some scripture and I ended up writing a song. I was able to channel what God was pouring in to me. in to the song. I sang it from my heart.
In the morning when it was time to head home. I was writing some last minute letters to some people. when Some old memories of my past came flooding in to my mind. I was pretty overwhelmed with These thoughts, as tears rolled down my face, I started to remember the first time I had been manipulated by a guy and used. I realized when I began to feel worthless, depressed , suicidal.
I began to realize why I have had so many insecurity’s about my self. when Jesus Stuck his hand in my belly he was uprooting a vine that Had been planted 10 years ago. in the result of him uprooting this vine. the memories came flooding in. It took forever to finally get to sleep but as I was laying in my bed. I felt My Abba daddy just holding me and rocking me to sleep. in the morning I didn’t even want to get up. but I did.
So messed up from the morning, I was kind of feeling drained so stepped out side for a bit. and begin to speak to God, I realized that due to what happened to me. I had harbored resentment in my heart towards God for many years. I asked for forgiveness for that, and God showed me that, what happened to me. isn’t going to hurt me anymore. He will take it and turn it to glorify Him.
I headed down to SHOP and spent a while crying and God spoke to me. and poured his Love out on me. We started to break down walls in my heart together. As I focused my everything on my Abba, this is what I saw:
Abba Daddy, came with me. and we picked up this huge sledge hammer and we started to break down the wall that had been built. we laughed with Joy as we tore this wall down together. all the rubble fell in to the enemies camp, on to all there weapons and they where destroyed. as we finished up the demolition Abba Daddy pulled me up next to him. and we sat down . with our feet up . looking out in to the distance. and he started to paint the dawn of the day. putting colors in the sky. putting streams of living water in the distance. He painted mountains and a green pastier, trees. and he put birds in the sky. We sat together, He said, “You are my Dawn. I have been waiting for this day for a while.”
Dawn is my middle name. Abba wakes up to me. He loves and delights in me to sit with him as the dawn breaks. I look forwards to more of God filling me up. In 3 weeks he has taken me on a journey. One thing I am thankful for is that He pulled the roots up and I am free from the torment of the enemies lies that had been playing in my head for 10 years I am free from that. Thank you Jesus.
Monday, March 8, 2010
This past weekend has been one of much uprooting. I'd like to share with you what has happened in the past 3½ weeks.
I have been doing the Fire By Night Internship for the past 3 ½ weeks. God has been doing a great deal of work in my heart.. The first week God took me through a time of Love. He romanced me and He began to show me what love is. For instance, Love between a husband and a wife, it is so beautiful. He was showing me how I’m supposed to be loved. He rekindled the flame that had dimmed out over the 10 years that I had been lost. It was like a honeymoon. I got to focus on God as the bridegroom God. He spoke in to my heart as his bride, His desire for me is a fiery burning passion. He longs for me to draw close to Him in an intimate relationship with Him.
The second week wasn’t so much of a smitten feeling. I did struggle a bit. I was trying to give everything to God and didn’t understand why I felt like there was still stuff I was holding on to. After talking to one of my leaders Angela, I gained some understanding of how God desires us to put Him above everything. Even if He isn't showing us or bring everything up all at once. There’s good reason why The Lord doesn't let everything unravel all at once. It would be to over whelming. So I was able to drew close to the Lord and allow Him to fill me up with His peace. I was able to take what I was thinking and dwelling on and put them aside to regain my focus on my Prince Jesus.
I’ve gained new understanding of my inheritance. I am my fathers daughter, He is the King, there for I am his princess . Grasping this wasn’t all that easy cause that whole princess thing didn’t fit in with the way I looked at my self. I would consider my self a servant of the princess, if anything but God really showed me that I am royalty, and I am not a servant girl I am his daughter that He Loves with a deep passion and desire.
Just recently I had a very mighty encounter with Jesus. For the past few weeks that I have been here, I kept asking God to Overwhelm me. He Did… For 2 days I was so over whelmed with the presence of Heaven , my body was twitching so much and I had no idea how to gain control or channel it, so I just let God do what ever He wanted. Friday morning when I was heading back home to go to bed. I started singing the song. “ and I'll become Even more undignified than this Some may say It's foolishness But I'll become Even more undignified than this Leave my pride By my side” It was definitely the right song to be singing cause I had no control over what my body was doing due to the power of God..
The next day when I woke up, I started my day off the same way I ended the day before. and walking in to SHOP was a challenge for my legs. cause my body wanted to crouch over and twitch, it was kind of funny looking. That night during EGS March 5th, While I was up in the front in a line with all the women in the house. I began to see in the Spirit, Jesus walked in front of me. and Punched his hand through my stomach. For a while I was crouched over because Jesus was doing a work in my spirit. I didn’t know what he was doing at the time but I knew that it was good.
That night was pretty intense. I had taken the advice I received from Nel’s He told me. when you get overwhelmed by the spirit channel it in to something for his Kingdom. weather it be singing your heart out writing or anything having to do with God. Use the Heaven that is pouring in to you and project it outward. Those weren’t the exact words, but that was basically what He told me. so that night. after my dinner break I decided to meditate on some scripture and I ended up writing a song. I was able to channel what God was pouring in to me. in to the song. I sang it from my heart.
In the morning when it was time to head home. I was writing some last minute letters to some people. when Some old memories of my past came flooding in to my mind. I was pretty overwhelmed with These thoughts, as tears rolled down my face, I started to remember the first time I had been manipulated by a guy and used. I realized when I began to feel worthless, depressed , suicidal.
I began to realize why I have had so many insecurity’s about my self. when Jesus Stuck his hand in my belly he was uprooting a vine that Had been planted 10 years ago. in the result of him uprooting this vine. the memories came flooding in. It took forever to finally get to sleep but as I was laying in my bed. I felt My Abba daddy just holding me and rocking me to sleep. in the morning I didn’t even want to get up. but I did.
So messed up from the morning, I was kind of feeling drained so stepped out side for a bit. and begin to speak to God, I realized that due to what happened to me. I had harbored resentment in my heart towards God for many years. I asked for forgiveness for that, and God showed me that, what happened to me. isn’t going to hurt me anymore. He will take it and turn it to glorify Him.
I headed down to SHOP and spent a while crying and God spoke to me. and poured his Love out on me. We started to break down walls in my heart together. As I focused my everything on my Abba, this is what I saw:
Abba Daddy, came with me. and we picked up this huge sledge hammer and we started to break down the wall that had been built. we laughed with Joy as we tore this wall down together. all the rubble fell in to the enemies camp, on to all there weapons and they where destroyed. as we finished up the demolition Abba Daddy pulled me up next to him. and we sat down . with our feet up . looking out in to the distance. and he started to paint the dawn of the day. putting colors in the sky. putting streams of living water in the distance. He painted mountains and a green pastier, trees. and he put birds in the sky. We sat together, He said, “You are my Dawn. I have been waiting for this day for a while.”
Dawn is my middle name. Abba wakes up to me. He loves and delights in me to sit with him as the dawn breaks. I look forwards to more of God filling me up. In 3 weeks he has taken me on a journey. One thing I am thankful for is that He pulled the roots up and I am free from the torment of the enemies lies that had been playing in my head for 10 years I am free from that. Thank you Jesus.
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